she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
