he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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