i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
