Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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