does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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