I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just cropdusted the office
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
