i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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