my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
