I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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