No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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