she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
