I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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