There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
