Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
