I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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