Kiss
Puke
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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