I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
