His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize