Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
