once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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