just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize