yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
