is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
