the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
