chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
