It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk is not a location!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
