yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
