Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
