stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
