clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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