I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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