Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
