I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
