I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
