why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's shark week go big or go home
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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