No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize