Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
