i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
