i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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