How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want her autograph on my taint
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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