Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
