I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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