the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
