Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
