Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
