North Korea, Best Korea!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sobbing to NWA
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
