some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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