I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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