Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
