Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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