And the cops told us we were all naked.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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