She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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