my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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