If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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