Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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