but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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