I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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