there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
