Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
