He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
