i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't trust your balls anymore.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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