Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
