Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
