I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
